Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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