New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize