I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
zippers are such a cool invention
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
