Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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