New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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