There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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