just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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