i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
