Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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