I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
