Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We named our party play list daddy issues
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
