ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
