I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
