Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
