Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
