I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
