Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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