Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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