What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
