is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize