I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
