I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
