why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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