I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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