Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
