I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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