Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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