I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
