I wish my penis had an off switch
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
