U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
