I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize