Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize