Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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