Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize