they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
