if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
