I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
50% drunk capacity currently
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
