How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
