I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize