Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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