please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
