sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
