the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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