Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
