You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
