Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
