I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Randomize
