she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
