Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
