is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize