Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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