Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize