Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
