Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
