Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
