Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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