I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
