this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
