so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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