Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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