bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
